key lime pie, burnt turkey, jameson's, and green drinks.

today's post is all about balance.
i'll start with the key lime pie. my absolute best almost homemade recipe to date. 'tis the season to be jolly and all that. here's a picture for inspiration. notice how it's half gone, or half not, depending on your point of view. mouth watering yet?

click to enlarge

this pie is so easy to make, you can almost do it w/out having to drag yourself into the kitchen, which is just the incentive you need to crawl back on the cooking horse if you burned the thanksgiving turkey like I did. what saved the day? notice the shot glass in back to the right? that and a bottle of jameson can do what an apple-maple reduction butter glaze too long in the oven cannot. go easy on the jameson's. no need to get your underwear in a wad, it's only a turkey. keep the proportions of jameson's to turkey equal.

click to enlarge

now for the pie, let's not waste another minute. 

start with your own jar of key lime curd. follow the directions for tartlets that comes on a postcard --one 14 oz. can sweetened Condensed Milk with 8 oz. cream cheese. mix with a hand mixer on medium speed until uniform. mix in key lime curd on low speed until combined--with one exception...fold in 1 cup of freshly whipped whipping cream into the mixture. then pour into graham cracker pie crusts, this makes enough filling for two. (use Betty's recipe for crust.) chill for 4 hours, then top each slice with a dollop of fresh whipped whipping cream and lime peel garnish.

click on the hot links for both recipes. i'm too exhausted to write it all out after the two days of preparation it took to burn that turkey.

you will want to eat this entire pie in one sitting--it's that good--i don't care what kind of health kick you're tellin' people you're on. if need be, balance it with a large green drink beforehand--preferably your own homemade. invest in a juicer (another hot link), if for no other reason than green drinks can do for guilt, what that reduction butter glaze did for my turkey ;)

Overnight Kale

No, I am not suggesting you FedEx kale out of your kitchen. Was it not just three summers ago I did this very thing with Mr. G's when it was the ONLY vegetable he grew? Goes to show the importance of being en vogue--timing is everything.

Anyway, what I'm now suggesting is if you're searching for a delicious, raw, non-time consuming recipe for this super-green food, you've just landed the Holy Grail of Kale. I'd like to say, this is from an old family recipe handed down to me from my great-great-great-mamaw generations ago.... well, why not?  Ever notice how carefree and painless it is to lie on the internet?

Interestingly enough, someone else's great-great-great-mamaw must have done the same--passed on this recipe--as you can also find it on page 88 of the latest Women's Health, November 2012 issue. There's a couple more in it I plan to include in this blog when I get around to making them. Practice what you preach, is what I was always taught at the little white Southern Baptist church down the road when I was a kid. Then again, I was also taught not to lie. If you want, buy a copy of this magazine yourself for the other recipes. But don't say I didn't warn you when your significant other snatches it right out of your hot little hands after seeing Mind-Blowing Sex! --in bold--splattered on the cover. If you're among the more youthful crowd--good luck getting him/her to wait until after dinner! However, if you're my age, you're gonna need to be in top shape for those suggestions (yes, I peeked), hence the healthful recipes. You might want to start with this one, and wait for me to post the others; working your way up, or down--depending on who's on top, or sideways. I'll leave that for you to figure out.

Inspiration enough?....here it is.

OVERNIGHT KALE

Stuff 

2 Tbsp champagne white wine vinegar (splurge) 
1-2  Tbsp finely minced shallot
2 tsp honey
1  Tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
a pinch of salt
1/8  tsp black pepper--a smidgeon
1  bunches organic dinosaur or curly kale (about 1 lb), center ribs and stems removed, leaves sliced into thin ribbons
optional:
1/3 cup pomegranate seeds
1/4 cup grated Romano cheese
2  Tbsp toasted pine nuts

Mix It Up
1 - Whisk together vinegar, shallot, honey, olive oil, salt, and pepper.
2 - Toss kale in dressing to coat evenly. (The dressing will seem light, but the kale will wilt down to half its volume.)
3 - Transfer kale to a lidded container and refrigerate overnight. To serve, divide kale among plates and top with pomegranate seeds, grated cheese, and toasted pine nuts.

Suggestions
Dried fruit like cranberries can be substituted for pomegranate seeds, as can other toasted nuts--pecans, walnuts--for pine. However, start with using the ones in this recipe if the ingredients are in season.


Mmmmm....Now that's good eatin'!

Writer's Brunch

You heard correctly. Brunch. Meaning breakfast and lunch... which I usually don't get around to eating until one hour before suppertime, when Mr. G gets home.

My response to his "What's for dinner?" usually goes something like:

[exasperated] "Do I look like a maid? What, did you NOT just have lunch? Do you need to eat every hour on the hour?! I have a life too, you know, I'M trying to write."

Anyway, if you too are a wanna-be famous writer, scratch that, famous-or-not, you're writing, you can't let little things like hunger pangs or your partner returning home after a long, hard, strenuous day at a real job, making real money, drag you from your life's true purpose. 

Brunch Menu

• Chai Tea  (A staple. Serve with frothed lactose-free milk, thank you.)
• 1 fresh, organic peach  (IF and ONLY IF it's beginning to rot. You've no time to dilly-dally peeling peaches unless it's absolutely necessary.)
• 2 organic brown rice crackers each topped with organic peanut butter and organic bananas.
• Coke. Except when the last COLD one has been taken by a certain someone stopping by who apparently "DOESN'T KNOW THE RULES" to replace the last Coke in the refrigerator with ANOTHER from the cupboard. In which case, drink water, 'cause you know you're nowhere near the recommended suggested intake of .5 oz times your body's weight.

Mmmmm....Now that's good eatin'!

Bridesmaid's Mother's Blues

Today's suggestion? When it's 3 PM, and you've not yet eatin' a thing because you've been consumed helping a certain someone wade through the mountains of online dresses in their OMG moment of: "HELP!!! I hate the bridesmaid's dress I ordered a week ago and received yesterday for the wedding I'm supposed to be in three days from now!"  Try this:

• Open said refrigerator door
• Grab anything that looks fresh and does not require cooking--keeping in mind your last, recent adventure in the land of indigestible food.
• Devour
• Close refrigerator door

and/or...

• Open cupboard door(s) which contain(s) boxed and/or SWIC (something weird in a can) foods
• If necessary, grab a can opener, open SWIC, devour anything that looks appetizing, hoping one: there's anything in there; two: there's anything in there you'll eat
• Close cupboard door

Take me away Laura!

Mmmmm...Now that's good eatin'!

What Not To Make

Hot tip for the day: If you think it's your imagination, it's probably not.

Who would've known to think it, but sometimes a good recipe is the one you know NOT to make.

Here's my latest discovery. After pulling an all-nighter doubled over in extreme agony on the floor, and bathroom toilet, might I be so bold as to suggest you NOT cook meat that has been in your freezer for say, more than two months. At least not that speciality item you bought at the meat counter that seemed scrumptious at the time, so you bought two to save one for later. You know, flank steak swirled around bacon, cheese, and spinach. Yeah. That one. Of course maybe it just wasn't cooked long enough. I don't remember. What I do remember is chewing some of the bacon in dim light while watching a movie, thinking, "Hmmm... something tastes a little squishy, then again maybe it's just my imagination."

The Secret's Out!

When you're swingin' three blogs with hopes to start a book, something's gotta give! Today, it's this blog post. I wouldn't exactly call it stealing...but you might. I could also clue you in to whose FB page I stole it from, but you probably wouldn't know her anyway. Anyway, my latest discovery about creativity, according to, CREATIVITY: FLOW AND THE PSYCHOLOGY OF DISCOVERY AND INVENTION is "...creativity involves changing a way of doing things, or a way of thinking, and that requires having mastered the old ways of doing or thinking."

With that, let's see how creative you can get with this recipe below. Bon Appetite!

Secret Sauce Recipe

Click here for website
 or on photograph to view recipe ;)

Mmmmm...Now that's good eatin'!

Baked Taquitos

Taquitos, not tequilas! (Look for suggestions on the latter in Mexican BBQ.) This latest and greatest recipe is also something I do when I don't feel like cooking. It's not as easy as my last post, Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey, but it does give me all the satisfaction of junk food, without the junk. And we could ALL use that on days we're feeling:

Phase 1 -

Stuff to get out...

• Crock pot.
• 2 large chicken breasts.
• 4 cloves garlic, pressed.
• 1 medium onion, sliced.
• 4 fresh tomatoes, quartered.
• salt and pepper to taste.

Take above ingredients --this is the non-cooking part--and throw them in a crock pot for hours on high--about four?--until chicken is tender. You can toss the chicken in frozen if you wish, it matters not. It all cooks down to something shreddable. When you can do this easily with a fork, that's when you'll know it's done. Mix it altogether after it's cooked.

Phase 2 -

More Stuff to get out...

• Canola oil.
• Corn Tortillas. My fav brand? Guerrero. How many is up to you. If I want to use up all the filling, and freeze the leftovers, I fry about 24 tortillas. If I don't feel like frying that many, I make 12 at a time, and freeze or save the chicken filling for later.
• Small Cast Iron skillet

In the small cast iron skillet:

Pour in enough oil to cover the skillet 1/4 inch, set burner on high. Quickly dip the tortillas in the hot oil, one at a time, flipping them over; you want them cooked, but pliable. (Add more oil as necessary.) Lay each tortilla on a paper towel after it's fried to soak up the extra oil. I fit two tortillas on one small rectangular paper towel, and stack them as I go, adding more paper towels as needed.

Phase 3 - 

Assemble:

Now comes the fun part. With a spoon, add a small amount of the chicken filling across the lower half of a soft-fried tortilla. Do not put in too much, you want the taquito to be thin, then tightly roll it up. Place taquito on an ungreased baking pan. Continue filling and rolling tortillas until you make the desired number you like. Do not cram the taquitos too close together on your baking pan. Leave just a bit of room between each so they can bake well.

Phase 4 - 

Bake

Preheat oven to 425.

Bake for about 20 minutes (check after 15). They should be golden brown.

Bling

If you like, sprinkle shredded cheese--sharp cheddar or jack--on top of the taquitos the last two minutes of baking.

I dip these in: Mango-Tango Salsa!; Wholy Guacamole; and/or refried beans. (Just blend up the pintos you made from, Slowly Back Away From The Can, and reheat.) If I'm feeling super lazy, I just dip them in a jar of Gringo Salsa!--aka apple sauce.

Suggestions

Need a fun dish for a large gathering or potluck? This is it. But make sure to double it. I would even pre-party by blending up margaritas and inviting a friend over early to help fill and roll taquitos ;)

Mmmmm...Now that's good eatin'!

...But I Don't Want To Cook!

So juice! Well. This is my latest venture anyway. But it's not cheap. First off, which juicer to buy? The twin gear Green Star; or the single, Champion?  The former is twice as expensive as the latter, but has the same ability as a cow to extract juice from wheat grass. The Champion can't do that. Whether or not this matters is up to you.

What you will need next is some yummy juice recipes. Don't venture random juice concoctions on your own. Organic fruits and veggies can be pricey to dump when it looks like brown sludge.

Here's a shortcut to success. If you're lucky enough to live in places like Ashville, NC; The Village, NY; Arcata, CA;  Venice Beach, CA; Santa Cruz, CA --practically anywhere in CA-- run over to your favorite juice bar and grab one of their menus. They'll have all the ideas you'll need to get started free for the taking.

If you're stuck in non-alternative USA, here's the menu from Wildberries Juice Bar. Start here. Ad lib once you get the hang of it.

My personal favorites are Purple Haze (go figure) swap out the ginger for mint; The Yoga; The Mess; Green Energy--add beets; and Sweet Greens. 

Check out those power shakes and smoothies too. But you'll need a blender. Here's a little reminder from my friend, Tim. Make sure to yell, BLENDER! right before you blast it to alert everyone in the nearby vicinity otherwise no one's gonna hear a word anyone's sayin' until you cut it off. My guess is the same holds true for the Champion, and Green Star too.

Mmmmm...Now that's good eatin'!

Better Than Bouillon

This is a desperate last minute recipe entry to promote my latest attempt at getting myself up off the couch and over to the computer to write! I've officially three blogs now with the addition of The Gossip, and hopes to start a book--no rush on that. (J.K. Rowling supposedly took seven years to write Harry Potter. John Fowles took twelve with, The Collector. I'm in good company.) That's what I love about writing. You can go throw the cart in front of the horse and tell everyone you're writing a book, and they won't expect to see anything for years. I could stall this forever.

Anyway, I used  better than bouillon as an adage in my new blog's post, and realized it would make a great title for a recipe to promote this blog in reverse. Thing is, I can't think of a recipe I love that uses it. The other thing is, I'm not one to use bouillon in cooking in the first place. I'd rather use the real deal of whatever bouillon is trying to imitate. Which leaves me with NO recipe. Never you mind. Almost Homemade to the rescue!

Here it is! Easier than my first, the Ghiradelli Dark Chocolate Brownie one. If you're tired of that recipe, don't click on the link, I'm highlighting it for newcomers. My latest recipe is inspired from the latest power outage--somewhere in the vicinity of 900,000 homes from Indiana to Virginia--a week ago that thawed out everyone's deep freezers. In all honesty, I doubt my favorite brand of ice cream below was in anyone's on the east coast. Seems Death By Chocolate is all the rage in Charlotte, NC. At least that's what we spent most our time eating while visiting there last summer. That, and 'bout every flavor offered at Cold Stone Creamery. Anyway, here's my fav out west:

Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey! 

C'est simple! C'est magnifique!  Out with the old, in with the new! Go down to your local supermarket, and buy a pint container of this delectable brand ice cream.  On a bad hot day, you can polish it off yourself. Plus, it's so darn hard, your power could go out for a week before it'd melt into something you wouldn't eat! On a diet? Grab a spoon and share it with twenty other people. I'm fairly certain everyone's individual caloric intake would still be over 2ooo. Don't thank me. Thank Jerry. His compassion for Ben's anosmia--complete lack of smell and almost taste--was the inspiration behind the huge chunks of junk goodies in their ice cream.

Mmmmm... Now that's good eatin'!

The Secret Everybody Knows...Now

Q & A:
Q - What's a scone?
A - A biscuit with a stick up its butt.

Q - How many scone recipes does it take before you find one you like? 

A - Hard to say; where do you live?

Much Ado About Scones
So what's a nice Virginia girl like me doing with a scone recipe in the first place? I don't know. I don't even like bread. Could it be me trying too hard to please? When in Rome California? The latter most definitely had something to do with it. I never knew anyone in the South who served, let alone baked, hard bread for breakfast--unless they had burnt the toast. For whatever reason, I am now the proud proprietor of a highly famed and sought after scone recipe. What can I say? It fell right into my lap. It's not even mine. Funny thing is, it wasn't even the friend's who gave it me, either! Of course I didn't find that out until years later.


Over time I have dibble and dabbled with this recipe trying to force it into something I might eat. While I can't say that's happened yet, I have improved upon an already excellent recipe, to make it even more remarkable, according to some people I know.


Before giving up sharing my Secret Scone Recipe, you might have a favorite of yours I can help you improve upon. Why steal reinvent the egg when you don't have to, right? I'll begin with some suggestions for altering the substandard recipe you already have. (Why else would you be looking at mine?)

SUGGESTIONS 

• Substitute HEAVY WHIPPING CREAM for the milk in your recipe. This one, simple little tip I will liken to the miracle of resurrecting the dead, which trust me, is your scone recipe without heavy whipping cream. You don't need to whip it up or anything, just use it in place of milk.

• Does your recipe call for the zest of one orange or lemon (or a bit of both)? You'll want to do that.

• Reserve a bit of your egg white from the eggs in your recipe to slather on top of the scones before you bake them.
• Do the same with the sugar, or add a bit more. Sprinkle this generously on top of the scones after slathering with egg whites before you bake.

BLING 
Trust me, nothing in the way of fruit or nuts will revive a dry scone recipe. So if your scones aren't delectable after substituting or adding the suggestions above without these accoutrements, nothing by way of adding them is gonna make it any better! Toss your recipe, and steal mine. Just remember, it's mine! Give me the credit. (Unless it doesn't come out right.)

NO LONGER SECRET - SCONE RECIPE
After getting up off the couch and walking over to the kitchen: Preheat oven to 400 degrees. 

What to pull out of the cupboards and refrigerator:

1. 2 cups white flour
2. 1/4 cup sugar--reserve a bit for the top
3. 1/4 tsp salt
4. 3 tsp baking powder
5. 4 TBL butter - grated  (use your cheese grater)
6. zest from one orange or lemon or combination thereof

In a bowl, mix above ingredients with a fork until crumbly, then add....

  7.  2 large eggs--reserve a bit of egg white from one of the eggs for the top
  8.  1/3 cup HEAVY WHIPPING CREAM

  9.  1/2 cup chopped dried currents, raisons, or cranberries (or combination thereof)

  10.  1/2 cup walnuts

Mix together with a fork, then with your hands, to form one large or two small rounds, approximately 1-1/2 inches high. Slather top(s) with reserved egg whites and generously sprinkle with sugar. Cut round into eight equal pieces (fourth, then fourth again). *Each round contains eight sections--regardless of whether you make one large or two small.

BAKE  at 400 degrees

- One large round: approx. 15 minutes

- Two small rounds: approx. 12 minutes

SUGGESTIONS

I half the above recipe, and make one small round. It's perfect for two people, or even three--when one of them doesn't eat bread ;)
I usually leave out the walnuts.

BLING
Top with your favorite jam or jelly. 

Mmmmm....Now that's good eatin'!


For another recipe, check out this one I found online--more butter, sour cream and milk--remember to swap that out for heavy whipping cream. They call it Berry Scones. I call it, The Quadruple Bypass. Whatever.

Smashed Potato Salad aka Camp Food!

I love to camp, with the one exception that I do not like to decide what to bring in the way of food when I do. I Googled, great camping recipes, for ideas to help me write this post, and Sunset's, The West's best camping, appeared in the line-up of sites to check out. It features 38 Easy Camping Recipes of which seven are variations on s'mores. I'm kidding, right? No, I'm not. Not only this, but among them is also a variation on my Almost Homemade Brownies, and Mango-Tango Salsa--the nerve! Oh well imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Only thing you'll want to decide is, who is imitating whom? First, may I go on record to say, "I never slept with that site before today!" Click on the hot link yourself. Who in their wildest dream goes camping to grill rib-eyes, barbeque salmon, bake cornbread, and make Dutch oven peach cobblers? And when might I ask, does s/he find the time to do anything else in the great outdoors, like read, nap, swim, bike, or hike? Don't get me wrong. I'd love to eat like this when I rough it, but don't ask me to cook it. Just tell me when the food's ready and I'll be sure to be up, or back, or something, in time.

Last summer, Mr. G and I decided to tag on a camp outing after visiting family in Santa Cruz. Planning this ahead of time, we had packed our camping gear and stove, but already being on the road the food preparation needed to be a la car. It wasn't as difficult as I thought. I've used the same technique twice now.

So here it is, my guide to 123 Camp Food, in honor of our Svea 123 camp stove.

Locating bathrooms heading south on the 101, or 1, has always presented embarrassingly unique challenges for us. Most the restrooms we happen upon are either Closed for Cleaning, if not, Out of Order. There have been a few times we've been out of order--using them anyway--when necessity necessitated the mother of invention. Last year, after finding then using a not-so-secluded-spot off the road in which to leave mother nature's child, we happened upon a Whole Foods Market in the same city --swanky Monterey. So we decided to shop there for our camping trip. They have clean public bathrooms for washing up too.

I forget how much in the way of dollars we dropped there for pre-packaged, organic, whole food, for four days and three nights, but I can tell you this, it paid for itself ten times over in time efficiency at mealtime, especially when you take into consideration our lack of packed accoutrements. Two easy to prepare food items we purchased were Pacific's All Natural and Organic CREAMY SOUPS, and frozen lava cakes. (We found the raccoons at Big Sur like lava cakes more than we did. Secure them well.)

All we had in the way of cooking equipment was Mr. G's Svea stove and pots, as if there is ever another option--remember your earplugs!--which worked just fine. We later purchased a nifty little cast iron grill pan we happened upon in the campground store at the visitor center in Big Sur, along with some bacon to cook on it. We forgot to bring anything to eat on or with, so we bought plastic utensils there too. As for plates, we ate out of the pots we cooked in that came with the Svea. Oh yeah, we bought a blue enamel drinking cup at the camp store. I already had a ceramic tea cup in the trunk of the car--who knows why--so we only needed to pick up one. In fact, the camp store featured many nice items we admired, and later purchased: Hiking and Backpacking BIG SUR, along with a lovely yellow sweatshirt. I'll let you figure out who among the two of us bought what. Come to find, it wasn't just a camp store, or visitor center, it was part of the lodge at Pfeiffer Big Sur State Park. It housed an excellent restaurant too--open for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That came in real handy.

You're probably wondering by now, "When is she going to get around to the smashed potato salad?" Okay, our latest camp out with my brother featured this. I threw in a few potatoes, along with some mustard, mayo, celery, garlic, and onions from the house to make potato salad. This would accompany the all natural beef and veggie hot dogs I bought at the store for roasting over the campfire. Should you ever co-camp with an RV-er and choose to use their kitchen stove for boiling your potatoes because it's so much bigger, convenient, and less noisy than your Svea; know the cooking time will decrease immensely, and you will need to rename your recipe:
"Umm...yeah...we call it, Smashed Potato Salad, it's so much creamier than regular."

Another random item bought that we took on this camping trip was a box of Ghiradelli Dark Chocolate brownie mix. Again, I knew nothing of Sunset's: 38 Easy Camping Recipes. This was the one and only thing I prepared ahead of time. Top one of those with a roasted marshmallow and squeeze both between two graham crackers, and you've got eight variations on a s'more. 

Wholy Guacamole!

Guacamole is literally a NO BRAINER! While people do swear by their favorite varieties in recipe, let's just drop the pomp and circumstance and get down to the business of what's really in guacamole to begin with. It doesn't require much more than the number of ripened avocados to perfection you buy; which btw, is the hardest thing about it. Careful while shopping. Press the avocado gently with your fingers. Through the trial and error of buying them you'll soon figure which ones are ripe and which ones have been squeezed to death by people who do not heed the word gently when testing them.


Wholy Guacamole
Stuff To Pull Out of the Refrigerator and Cupboards After You Get Up Off The Couch and Walk Over to the Kitchen.

- 4 large and perfectly ripened organic avocados
- salt
- pepper
- the juice squeezed from 1 organic lime or lime juice equivalent

Bling
Th-th-th-that's all folks! Really. Bling it up with more ingredients from this video or my Mango-Tango Salsa if you need more pomp in your circumstance. But really--I'd rather spend my time chippin' and dippin'!

Mix it up!

Cut avocados in half, remove the pit, and scoop the soft green interiors into a bowl. Add the lime--you're the coconut--and mix it all up. Mush with a fork until smooth (or use a food processor to blend it up if you're making huge amounts of this). Add salt and pepper to taste.

Suggestions

Careful not to fill up on chips and guacamole--especially if you sneak in a side of Mango-Tango Salsa. This can be easily mistaken for dinner! 

Mmmmm...Now that's good eatin'!

Mango-Tango Salsa!

This salsa recipe is great for both getting you in the mood for dancing and cooking! Let's start out with some music to play for you to...
Rebelion yourself up off the couch and over to the kitchen to make some more rumba in the refrigerator!

Just one more of the many great benefits of cooking!

Mango-Tango Salsa
- 2 whole mangos--chopped
- 4 organic large heirloom tomatoes of various color--chopped
- 4 roma tomatoes--chopped
- 1/2 to 1 Vidalia onion--depending on how hot it is--finely chopped
- 1/2 bunch of fresh organic cilantro--rinsed and finely chopped
- the juice from 3 freshly squeezed organic limes

Bling
Pull out your conga drum and play along with the Joe Arroyo a bit before you start choppin'! You can also throw in some organic chopped jalapeno or habanero peppers--careful--or spritz it with some Tapatio if you like your salsa hot!

Mix it up
That's right. Get out your favorite fiesta bowl and mix in all those colors of fruit and vegetables until it squeals--SALSA!

Suggestions
I suggest you make this for each and every party of the Mexican dinner persuasion you throw!


Mmmmm...Now that's good eatin'!

Chocolate Candue!

Oh the headache of authoring two blogs. What in heaven's name made me think I could keep up the pace. Hopefully you heeded my advice about not halving recipes, if for no other reason than to eat the leftovers of the one before while waiting for me to post another!

By the way, did you know Cat Stevens--now Yusuf Islam, born Steven Demetre Georgiou--pronounces the second syllable of wigwam--"wam"--to rhyme with "am"? Wig-wam?! What some folks will do for a rhyme. However, I have found the wisdom in his lyrics:

You can do what you want; the opportunity's on, and if you can find a new way, you can do it today.

to be incredibly useful with recipes. Which brings me to two other points (the first should've been included in Stone Ground Rules For The Kitchen):
1- while you should keep cookin' and company separate when in the kitchen--not to mention men--I find it extremely helpful to crank up some music on the stereo! Be forewarned, keep the music upbeat and happy, otherwise your food will fall into the same gloom and doom as the music's (not to mention yours) when it comes off the stove or out of the oven.
2- Feel free to amend any recipe you come by, to make it quicker when serving a large group of people (or anyone menopausal).

On that note, the recipe for the day is one to use when you need a nifty dessert a la company with kids. You heard me right. Here's one you can whip out with little very effort and fantastic results--in the midst of company! How, you ask?

The trick is all in the kid(s) and the amended recipe. (In all honesty, I've only tried this with one child in attendance. I imagine it could frenzy into a wild roar should more kid cooks be added to this pot; you'll see what I mean in a minute.) The amended recipe is Chocolate Covered Strawberries. But you've no time to dip each and every strawberry in chocolate to then cool, with company on the way. Here's when you need to heed Yusuf's advice:
...if you can find a new way, you can do it today!  
Below is one new way. *Look under Suggestions, for Way #2 ;)

Chocolate Strawberries
Stuff To Pull Out Of The Refrigerator and Cupboards After You Get Up Off The Couch and Walk Over to the Kitchen.

(Recipe feeds 5 people after they've devoured dinner)
-  2 quarts capped, and rinsed organic large strawberries.
-  1-ten ounce package Ghirardelli Chocolate Premium Baking Chips - 60% Cacao Bittersweet Chocolate

Assemble
Make sure you have capped, rinsed, and drained the strawberries before company arrives.

Bake
Grab a small metal bowl, approximately 4 inches across, and 3 inches high, and fill with chocolate chips (almost to the top). Place on the WARM (not Low) setting--no higher!!!!--of an electric stove. (For gas stoves, see: Suggestions.)

Now, here's the fun part!
Ask a child to stir the chocolate! (Make sure they DO NOT inch up the heat, or touch the burner!) Sounds scary, yes? But wait a minute. Think about it. Who--more than this child--among you or any other adult in the room has a greater vested interest in the chocolate coming out perfectly warmed, and smooth?! That's right. I don't care how much you love chocolate, most kids can trump your desire for this any day of the week! It will not only instill the virtue of patience in said child, but can be also used as an introduction to meditation practice--as the chocolate takes a very long time to warm. Go ahead, chat away!! Pick and grin 'til the cows come home. Forget all about the chocolate on the stove. Not to worry, that child has your back, as well as the chocolate's, and will be the first to let you know when it's perfectly ready!!! Then sit back and watch every adult in the room--including yourself--scramble up off the couch and run to the kitchen to be the first one to dip those strawberries in the warm, melted chocolate!
YES, double dipping is not only allowed, but triple, and quadruple too!

Suggestions
1- Gas Stove? Chocolate and the lowest flame on a gas stove is you on a blind date--never to be recommended. (Some folks would say the same about electric.) If you're worried, use a double boiler to melt the chocolate. (Two quart stainless steel pot partially filled with water. Bring water to a boil, then place a metal bowl that fits perfectly over the top on the pot. Fill with chocolate chips. Stir.)

2- Way # 2: Menopausal? Who has time or--for pete's sake--the patience to wait for melted chocolate or drive to the store for specialty Ghirardelli's 60% bittersweet cacao or wash strawberries for that matter? Goodness knows menopause is stressful enough!
Grab whatever remotely looks like chocolate and cram that in your mouth along with the uncapped, unwashed strawberries. You'll hardly notice the green leaf amongst all the chocolate, especially if you live in parts of the world where warm weather is abundant. And if that's the case, don't bother pouring them out, just dip the strawberries in the melted bag or wrapper of chocolate.

You're out of chocolate?!! You were not raised right. Go ahead, sneak on out of the house, and take that drive up to the store and restock. Might as well pick up more strawberries while your at it. (Add a dozen eggs, and milk for subterfuge.) Enjoy your dessert on the ride home--right out of the grocery bag!
Note: Have wet wipe-ups in the car handy to use for destroying evidence of your chocolate-strawberry gorge when you're done. I trash the sales receipt in the outside garbage bin before entering the house too, just in case anyone gets suspicious ;)

Mmmmm...Now That's Good Eatin'!

Slowly Back Away From The Can

It's time for you to slowly back away from the can. That's Right. Today I shall teach you how to make whatever's in that can from scratch. We'll start with the one containing pinto beans.

What might seem a "no-duh" to some about this recipe, is not for others. Please keep that in mind before judging. To quote Pema Chodron, Start Where You Are, wherever that happens to be. I realize for most of you this entry is a complete and utter waste of your time. Not to fret, I have taken this into careful consideration by taking the liberty of borrowing a glam photo from my Lifestyle Guru (she can be yours too for a click) to use as both example, and something to drool over while you read.

Pinto Beans Not From A Can
Stuff you need to get out of the cupboard after you get up off the couch and walk into the kitchen:
- 1 to 2 lbs of organic dried pinto beans
- lots of cold water
- 6 to 8 quart stainless steel pot
or
- Rival Crockpot  6.5 quart (any brand really, this is what I have)
- 2 to 3 TBL salt
- 2 TBL olive oil

Assemble
- Decide how many beans you would like to make. I suggest making the full 2 lbs, and freezing half or more for later. Homemade frozen pintos are superior to canned, any day of the week.

- Next, pull out your 6 - 8 quart pot (container) or crockpot and pour the pinto beans in slowly. You need to look closely as you pour to pick out rocks and/or dirt clods from the bag of beans--whether you bought packaged or bulk. I usually pour them on the kitchen table and scoot the good ones into the pot.

- Then fill your container with cold water close to the top.

- Put on the lid and soak, at the very least, overnight. Preferably, 24 hours.*

"Do I really need to soak them that long?" 
I've discovered, through my personal Lifestyle Guru, most of life's difficult questions can be answered simply by looking at the expression on George Clooney's face. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words, so collect as many of him as you can.

Look closely at the three faces in the glamour photo below, then ask yourself:

What would George say?

Does George Clooney's face say the beans Matt Damon ate in his supersized burrito before arriving to the Oscars were soaked before they were cooked? Then again, with these three being so good at poker it's really hard to tell who's doing the cuttin' or smellin' among them. It might've been Brad.
(Note how the photographers are keeping their distance.)

Sorry for being a killjoy for what you previously thought was an exceptional picture, but as I said, life having its difficult moments, you'll want to collect as many of George as you can for the answers. Who knows, you might find a picture you can't rib.

Nonetheless, I for one, would like to thank my Guru, and these boys for so fabulously demonstrating my point. DO NOT under any circumstances skip the soaking step of cooking beans. Go by the adage: The longer, the better. Should you soak them for 24 hours, rinse with cold water again after 12, then refill and continue soaking.

- After completely soaked, thoroughly rinse again. Refill the container with water two inches above the beans.

- Add oil, and salt to taste. (Use 2 TBL oil and salt for 2 lbs of beans to start. Less, if you're making less than 2 lbs. You can always add more salt as they cook. Better safe, than ruined.)

Bling:
You can swap black beans for pintos if you prefer in the recipe. Most dried beans are cooked this same way, varying only in the length of time you cook them. Look in the appendix of any recipe book or Google the cooking time for the variety of bean you are interested in preparing.
Some folks throw in a ham hock or bacon with their beans as they cook 'em. I make the vegetarian version, living in the land of vegetarianism and all.

Cook:
On the stove:
Place on a burner medium heat for about 2- 1/2 to 3 hours, if they've been soaked overnight or for 24 hours. Add water as needed. Taste test for doneness. Add salt, a little at a time, if you like more.**

In a Crockpot:
These things are great! Pour in beans, fill two inches or a little more above the bean level. Place on high for about 6 hours. If you're gone all day, put the crockpot on low and dial in the hours until your return.

Suggestions
*Some folks will parboil their beans in place of soaking for a shortcut, to then strain and cook, thinking it's enough. To put it simply. It's not.

**Serve with a side of corn bread, sliced Vidalia onions, fried potatoes, with bacon, pork chops, or sliced ham.


Mmmmm...Now that's good eatin'!

Mr. G's Cookin'!

If you expect a recipe from me with a title like that, you might want to view, or review the wherefore and why of Rule # 2 from, Stone Ground Rules For The Kitchen, as men are simply not allowed. Therefore, in keeping with the perpendicularity of this blog, today I will share a few favorite dishes from restaurants we go to when it is Mr. G's turn to cook. There are a few things you'll want to keep in mind when considering where to go for dinner. Are you:

1- Celebrating?

2- Famished?

3- Irritable?
4- Wanting breakfast?
5- Bored? 

That pretty much sums it up. Many of you might wonder why "Expense" is not included as a category above. I find cost slips into consideration only when you're not hungry, in which case you must be either celebrating; irritable; or bored. In the first two, money should never be an object or brought up, unless you wish to pay twice in price by having to go out the next night, to make up for how much you lacked in empathy the night before, or take the risk someone might stop cooking altogether. (Visit my other blog post, OCB .) In the case of bored? What are you doing eating in the first place?! Find something else to do, even if means rippin' the acrylic off your latest nail job! A mani-pedi costs the same or less than dinner for two, and it won't add one ounce of fat to your bod. Hence, pricey restaurants will only be included in the former two categories. You'll know which restaurants they are.

With this in mind, here are a few of our favorite places should you stumble through our neck of the woods wanting to eat.

Celebrating! or Irritable (While money might be an object, your significant other knows better than to bring it up.)

*****Larrupin Cafe - My absolute favorite, and Mr. G knows it, if for no other reason than to getaway while not having to drive too far. Make a reservation and ask to eat downstairs. The atmosphere is tops.  Know, before you order more, they have a house appetizer plate that is both great and gratis! (They sell their Larrupin Red and Mustard-Dill sauces in the local grocers in Arcata, e.g., Wildberries Marketplace.) I usually get the Chicken Wrapped In Phyllo Dough with twiced baked potato, salad is included. Mr. G, who'll eat anything, will try something different on each occasion. We share a piece of whatever chocolate in way of cake is on the menu for dessert, but know too, this restaurant has a fabulous Chocolate Pecan Pie.

****The Looking Glass House Restaurant and Bar (word on the street? GOING OUT OF BUSINESS :( )

Reservations strongly recommended if you're eating at night. However, for lunch, not so much. Drop on in. What to order? First thing off the bat you need to know, unlike Larrupin Cafe--who serve only wine and beer-- they have a full bar. You will get loaded off of one, mind you, one Long Island Tea, only theirs is called, The Mad Tea Party! (Does wonders if you're needing to iron out the irritable, assuming s/he's not a mean drunk.) Their Beet Salad is yummy too. Check out the rest of their salads online, they all look good! For the main course, I order Filet Mignon, with Bacon Mashed Potatoes, finishing up with their Banana Spring Roll dessert, easily shared. (Bananas rolled up and deep fried in won ton wrappers topped with warm butterscotch sauce, and ice cream on the side!) For Mr. G? It's a waste of his time, and theirs, to bring a fancy plate that has food decorated on it. I look (or ask) for what happens to be the most in amount offered up for his main course. This man can put away some serious quantities of food. As to the drink, double Dewar's scotch whiskey, straight.

***Abruzzi

Reservations not really necessary or recommended unless it's HSU graduation, Mother's Day, or Christmastime. Note the three star rating. Only because I, not eating much in the way of bread or noodles, never cook Italian. Not rarely, never. That's the only reason. This is Mr. G's favorite restaurant. He'd give it five! The atmosphere and waiters/waitresses are fabulous. The original and long time owners of this restaurant have taught and continue to teach each and every one of their servers to keep a mindful eye on your wine glass so it never runs low. They do this in such a non-interruptive manner as to make you think your glass never empties--the fountain of youth, only different. By the time you wonder if you've had too much to drink, you have. If you like to drink, and want to indulge, this is the place to do it. They have a full bar as well. Just make sure to have a designated driver who doesn't drink, or splurge for a taxi. As to what to order? Who cares! I usually get their Four-Cheese Fettuccini Alfredo, and Mr. G, their Pescara. For dessert, Abruzzi chocolate cake. If you're not big on chocolate, order tiramisu.

Famished or Irritable For occasions you're starving or need to eat out. (I'm not sure why, but I feel it's unnecessary to rate the famished or breakfast categories.)

Hunan Village Chinese Restaurant 752 18th Street, Arcata (707) 822-0277
Yes, they have take out! Ready in ten minute! In fact eating in, or out, it's ready in ten minute. I love this restaurant for SO many reasons. The original owner, Adam, for one, who's now retired and sold the business. The best restaurant owner I've EVER known. He was classy and congenial, well dressed, and always came around to say "Hi" to everyone's table. He'd catch up on you; you him. He always made me feel like I was a long time friend, if not part of his family, or favorite customer. I suspect everyone who knew him said the same. He sold the restaurant to equally wonderful and well mannered people who are lovely to be around. Same menu, only newer, the quality of food is as good if not better!!! What do we order? Same thing every time. Sweet & Sour Prawns, Sze-Chuan Green Beans, Black-Pepper Beef, and of course, white rice. Best appetizer? Po Po (pronounced with a long "o") Plate. Soup? Won-Ton. Other memorable dishes:
Tofu In A Crock
Broccoli Beef
Hunan Chow Mien

As my friend Sara says, "It's All Good!"

Fiesta Grill & Cantina
If you're looking for their other restaurant, Fiesta Cafe, in Sunny Brae, it's closed, go here. Same marvelous owners and restaurant, menu, etc.--with a full bar! Order anything on this menu. It's all delicious, and you get plenty of food!  You are quickly greeted by your server with chips, salsa, and water. Our favorite dish, and we split it because it's huge, is Steak Rancheros--jalapenos on the side! It's delicious. Comes with your choice of soup--Abondigas is mine, however, their Posole is delicious too! The main dish comes with a huge steak cooked with peppers and onions, along with thinly sliced oven cooked to perfection potatoes, beans, rice, and your choice of homemade wheat or corn tortillas. Order a house blended margarita while you wait for the food.

Hey Juan Burritos
This is probably the restaurant the reviewer in Fiesta Grill & Cantina was referring to (click the link and read the first review below). Nonetheless, Hey Juan's continues to have the best hippie Mexican food in town since I moved here thirty-three years ago. Music is sometimes loud and unpredictable, door is always open (due to the fire code) AND the servers are always nice. The original owners sold the place, however the restaurant's mission remains the same: good, healthy--whole wheat, and spinach tortillas from which to choose when making your burrito not to mention brown rice--Mexican food, at a decent price, featuring an informal, and local atmosphere. What to order? If I'm starved, I get their Two Enchiladas Plate--chicken (with green chiles) with beans and rice. If you like Super Nachos, best place--scratch that--only place in town you should get them. I order vegetarian: beans, cheese, brown rice, guacamole, sour cream, olives--hold the jalapenos--with mild salsa. They have medium and hot, with a side of humor to advertise their hottest in paste: "Many come to Juan seeking Death, and Juan obliges."

Breakfast Restaurants
Wildflower Cafe & Bakery
Back in the day, this was the vegetarian restaurant where many of my friends worked, or cooked, and was called The Sprouted Seed. Different owners, same restaurant, only over the years a few recipes, like Shepherd's Pie, are no longer on the menu. Serving breakfast, lunch, or dinner, we just go for breakfast. Mr. G orders two pancakes, fresh squeezed orange juice (best in town) and a decaf coffee. I get Gregos Rancheros and their homemade Chai Tea. Like Hey Juan's, I love this restaurant for its longevity, and mission. Strictly vegetarian.

The Big Blue Cafe
Breakfast all day, they serve lunch too, until 3 or 4 PM--whenever they close. They make marvelous quiche variations on a potato crust. They also offer The Breakfast Sampler: eggs, potatoes with veggie or sausage gravy, beans, fruit, and toast or corn tortillas, which is super yummy, as is their Huevos Rancheros! Mr. G? Pancakes, of course. The other great thing about this restaurant is it carries my favorite in locally made tea, Planet Chai--latte please!

Bored
Princess Nails 
Last time I checked, this place offers a mani-pedi for about thirty-five bucks, plus tip. Go ahead, rip off those acrylics, bite off your nails, chew off your toe polish, and head on down. If price is no object? Go out to dinner. Where?

Sushi Spot
...while not cost efficient, neither will it fill you up. Here's the best place in town. Why my vote? Not for the lack of other restaurants trying: atmosphere, presentation, and consistency of sushi--in reverse order. Especially if you order tempura sushi--yam and prawns. Added bonus, this place features both in one roll. We order (as Mr. G finds dinner at sushi restaurants to be pricey appetizers): Plain Sunomono or Miso soup (depending if we're hot or cold), Tempura Roll (includes both yam and prawns), and Caterpillar Roll (unagi--eel and avocado). Both are large rolls, perfect for two people. Top with one or two, large hot sakes. Sometimes, if we're really bored, we'll order an Edamame appetizer (those green bean-like things you break open and eat). For dessert? Mango Mochi Ice Cream. Double click on their menu, it enlarges.

Mmmmm...Now That's Good Eatin'

Grits for GRITS Who Don't Like Grits

Not being as proficient at cooking as you'd expect me to be to blog about it, I don't usually take requests. But it just goes against the grain of southern hospitality to ignore the plea from a GRITS who don't like grits, for a grits recipe. This is a worse pickle to be in than GRITS who don't like pies. Not to worry, I have a solution. Go west, young lady, go west. Wait...east is east and west is west, and the wrong one I have chose. [Anyone born after, idk, 1960 reading this? probably not. If so,  here's the song reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7v3d_lJ6UKk] 
I mean, go east. Isn't rice from the east? Probably no more than fries are French, pizza is Italian, or shepherds are Australian, and I--no longer wishing to be the messenger of dashed hopes--am not going to Google rice to find out. However, and assuming grits are from the south, you happen upon the fact they're not, don't mention it here, some things are meant to remain sacred...

...as in the recipe below, it's pure comfort food. Warning: My daughter and I can polish off one of these in one sitting, so double the recipe if we're coming.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees
Brown Rice Pudding 

Stuff you need to get out of the fridge and cupboards after you get up off the couch and walk into the kitchen:
- 3 cups cooked organic short grain brown rice
- 2 and 1/4 cups milk
- 5 eggs
- 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
- 1/2 tsp cinnamon
- 1/4 tsp fresh ground nutmeg
- 1/3 cup honey or 1/4 cup maple syrup
- 2 TBL grated orange peel (the peel of one organic orange)
- 2/3 cup raisins

Bling
- 2 medium apples, cored and finely chopped (add this in with the raisins)
- substitute half and half  for milk for creamier pudding
- top with freshly whipped cream

Assemble
Butter a deep casserole dish. Set aside.
In a large bowl, whisk eggs together. Add cooked brown rice, grated orange peel, raisins. Mix.  Add vanilla, spices and honey, and milk and continue mixing until all are well blended.

Bake
Pour mixture into the buttered casserole dish; place into 325 degree preheated oven for one hour; stir every 20 minutes (two times total) until done.

Mmmmm...Now that's good eatin'!

GRITS Who Don't Like Pies, Pie

Ah...the southern pie. My favorite movie on the subject? Waitress. The movie offers up a pie recipe for practically any occasion.
A new romance?
Falling in love pie

New Baby?
Baby screaming in the middle of the night and ruining my life pie

Feeling guilty over infidelity issues?
Earl murders me because I have an affair pie

Need to solve the problems of the world?
Strawberry chocolate pie

I could add a few pies of my own of late, I bet you could too.
Dropped the gong and it's gonna cost me another 90 bucks to replace it pie 
Wish I were a better plumber pie
Think I'll eat a banana split instead of dinner pie

Thing about pies with me is, I'm not particularly fond of flour crusts or fruit that's been boiled to death, which is a real conundrum being a southerner and all, as most pies consist of both, and everyone just expects that you do. What do GRITS (girl raised in the south) who don't like pies do to fit in? Well, for one, as with this recipe, put up a false front. Any southerner worth his or her salt knows how to do this, and well.

Trade secret? This ain't really a pie, it's a casserole dressed up to look like a pie. If you want a pie for dessert, my advice is rent Waitress. You'll have more pie recipes than you can throw a crust at.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees

Cauliflower Cheese Pie
Stuff you need:
- 2 russet potatoes
- one head of cauliflower
- 1/2 cp bread crumbs (I use arrowhead mills organic savory herb stuffing, and blend it.)
- one onion
- oil, canola or olive
- three cloves of garlic
- one egg
- 1/4 cup of milk
- blend of white or cheddar cheese,  romano, and asiago 1 to 2 cups grated
- salt and pepper

Assemble
In your favorite pie dish (I use a blue and white ceramic one) pour in enough oil to coat bottom of the dish, and place in a preheated oven until oil is hot.

Meanwhile:
Peel, rinse and grate two russet potatoes. Rinse grated potatoes in cold water to rid them of excess starch, and pat dry with paper towels. Take pie dish out of oven when oil is hot, and form the grated potatoes around the bottom and sides to look like a crust. Sprinkle with salt.
Bake for 30 minutes, until golden brown.

While potato crust is baking in oven-
Dice onion and garlic and saute--medium heat--on the stove in a bit of oil. Rinse and cut cauliflower into small florets and add to them to the onions and garlic. Salt and pepper to taste. Cook until cauliflower is al dente, cooked but still firm (not soggy!).

Remove potato crust from oven when brown and crisp, and arrange sauteed cauliflower, onion, and garlic on top.
In a small bowl, whip the egg and 1/4 cup of milk together until well blended. Pour overtop the sauteed vegies you just put in the potato crust. Sprinkle the top with grated cheese, one to two cups depending on the size of your pie dish, and bread crumbs--reserve a little cheese mix for the top.

Bling
Bling
- add one large heirloom or red tomato, slice in seven or eight sections, and  arrange on top of casserole.

Bake
In a 375 degree oven, bake for 45 minutes total; covered for twenty minutes, and then uncovered 'til done.


Mmmmm....Now that's good eatin'!

Steak Frites

When naming your own recipe, you can't go wrong borrowing from the French or Italians. The world's been brainwashed to accept either of these countries' food as gourmet. Even when fries are not French, pizza is not Italian, and if you've read my latest post You Always Think the Worst of Me, from my blog, Enlighten Up Yourself, neither is shepherd (the dog breed), Australian. (Yes, you've spotted it; a shameless plug.)

But don't let the gourmet name discourage you from making this recipe. If you want a yummy, yet simple potato dish in a pinch, c'est vite et c'est simple. (It's quick and it's easy.)

Preheat oven 450 degrees


Steak Frites 
Stuff to get out of the cupboard after you get up off the couch and walk into the kitchen:
- 1 potato, 2 potatoes, 3 potatoes, 4 (the quantity is up to you). Just make sure they're large russets. Possibly organic, you be the psychic.
- oil: canola, or olive. (enough to sufficiently cover potato slices.)
- salt (ok, your favorite type here: Himalayan, kosher, regular, etc...)

Assemble:
Peel potatoes and rinse in cold water. Slice lengthwise into large pieces, for big chunky, fat frites. (I get about 6 to 8 slices per potato, depending on the size.) Pat dry with paper towel.
Place cut potatoes in a large bowl, and drizzle oil overtop. Mix together thoroughly, making sure all slices are sufficiently covered.

Bling:
- crushed garlic: I always use this, and was going to include it automatically, but thought better not, for the non-garlic lovers. If you like garlic, I use one large clove, peeled and crushed, per potato. Mix this in the bowl, along with the oil.
- ketchup (duh!) for dipping when they're done.
- ranch dressing, alternative to ketchup.

Bake:
Place potatoes flat, do not layer, on a lightly oiled pizza round. Sprinkle with salt. Pop into the oven for 25 minutes. Check after 15 minutes, and turn potatoes over with a metal spatula to brown the other side. When sufficiently browned all around, they're done. Test with a fork, or kabob skewer for tenderness.


Mmmmm....Now that's good eatin!

Food for Scientifically Minded People

My last recipe entry got all of 4 hits. Which just further confirms my suspicions most people either: don't share my love of green beans; know they're not really a deep green but a bean; have their own recipe and any other is inferior; or are sick up and fed with green beans, as there exists more versions of this vegetable in casserole recipes than Crayola Crayons boast in their largest box of 12o. My recipe now putting it at 121, and Sherry's comment addition, 122. Let's leave the green beans on the vine.

Just to prove I'm not into blogging for fame, fortune, or funny, but truth, here's my next recipe entry. I'll be surprised if this one isn't any less popular than the last. Food for scientifically minded people is just that, and with it, comes my salad. No, I will not explain what this salad will do for you by means scientific. If you don't already know, you're not gonna care... unless you have an extra twenty minutes.

Mitochondria Salad
Stuff to get out of the fridge after you get up off the couch and walk into the kitchen:
-  1/2 head of *organic red cabbage
- 4 large organic carrots
- 2 organic beets
- 1 bunch organic kale

Assemble
Peel carrots and beets, then grate them in a *Cusinart Food Processor (otherwise, you're gonna hate this recipe) using the grater disc.
Shred red cabbage and kale using Cusinart's 1 mm slicing disc.
Toss this together into your favorite salad bowl, and Viola!, as my friend Bart would say.
That's it. You are now looking at the most festive salad known to humans.

Bling
This recipe makes a huge amount of raw, colorful salad. Top with any or a combination of the following:
- marinated then grilled organic steak slices (The nicer the cut of steak, the better it tastes. Just saying, don't scrimp.)
- grilled teriyaki organic chicken slices
- homemade Creamy Tahini Dressing (see below)
- Add a side dish of homemade oven baked Steak Fries (Another day's post, probably not for the scientifically minded folk if you know what I mean. ;)

Suggestions:

* Buy organic, or try, or pretend that you did, otherwise, what's the point of making this recipe in the first place?

* I have a Cusinart, any food processor with similar attachments will do the same.

Creamy (Tofu-)Tahini Dressing (from the Raw Gourmet by Nomi Shannon)
Party Size makes 9 - 10 cups  (half recipe for 4 -5 cups for recipe above)
- 2 and 1/2 cups organic water
- 2 cups raw organic tahini  or ***Tofu-Tahini (1 cup raw organic tahini, 1 cup firm organic tofu)
- 1 and 1/2 cups organic lemon juice
- 1 cup organic liquid aminos
- 2 cup organic parsley
- 1 cup organic onion
- 1/2 cup organic scallions
- 10 organic garlic cloves, chopped
- 2 TBL organic ground cumin
- 2 TBL organic *ginger juice (put chunks of whole ginger root through a heavy-duty juicer with a juicing screen)
- 1 tsp organic cayenne
- more organic water

Assemble:
In a blender, add water and gradually the tahini until blended. Then lemon juice, liquid aminos, parsley, onions, scallions, garlic, cumin, ginger juice (or pwdr), and cayenne. Blend until smooth. Add extra water for desired consistency.

*This dressing keeps for 7 to 10 days in the fridge. The extra water at the end is for desired thickness. One part tahini to one part water results in a  thick liquid. If you like a milder flavor, reduce ginger, onions, scallions, garlic and cumin.

Bling:
Vary the flavor further by adding basil, dill, or oregano. Add dulse for a nutrional dressing. ***Swap one cup plain tofu for one cup raw tahini.

Suggestions:
* For the ginger juice, if you don't have a heavy juicer like me, or even if you do but don't want to do it, use organic ginger powder, and cut the quantity to about 1 tsp.

***My addition. I prefer Tofu-Tahini Dressing.

California Casserole

Summer afternoons on the farm visiting mama and papa (pronounced: mam-maw, pap-paw) were sometimes spent stringing freshly picked green beans off the vine under the Weepin' Willow. Which to this day remains my favorite tree, and green vegetable. Being a bean, it's actually more of a "starch" than a green, if you want to get all scientific about it. (Next recipe post: Food for scientifically minded people.) Which brings us to today's recipe. "California Casserole." I love this recipe because it's easier than canned, and almost naturale. Real food for real people. 

Preheat oven 375 degrees 

Green Bean Casserole 
Stuff To Get Out of the Fridge After You Get Up Off the Couch and Walk into the Kitchen:

- 1 pound (maybe a little more) fresh green beans  - rinsed, stringed and cut diagonally in half

- 1 crisp red bell pepper - sliced into square chunks
- 1 Vidalia onion (or mild white)- sliced into square chunks
- 1/2 cup sharp cheddar cheese (preferably white) - grated
- seasoned bread crumbs - enough to cover top of casserole. (Here's the unnaturale part, I use Progresso Italian when I don't feel like making them, which is more often than not. But feel free to knock yourself out and whip up your own. Toast three slices of  whole wheat  bread until crisp, crumble then sprinkle with freshly minced garlic mixed with salt, pepper, and Italian seasonings ;)
- one large juicy ripe tomato - cut into eight slices (fourthed, then eighthed)
- 1/4 cup water
- salt
- freshly ground pepper

Assemble
In your favorite covered casserole round, place freshly rinsed, strung, and diagonally cut in half, green beans. Add red bell pepper. Add onion. Fluff together until pretty. Pour in 1/4 cup cold water. Lightly salt and pepper to taste.

Bling
Arrange sliced tomatos - eight- in a circle on top of the vegies in the casserole dish, reserving one slice for the middle.
In a separate bowl, combine bread crumbs and grated cheddar cheese. Sprinkle overtop casserole and tomato slices. Cover.

Bake: Here's the tricky part. You don't want to overcook this. I like mine slightly al dente. If you do too, try 45 minutes? I don't rightly remember. Test by taste. Remove cover 5 to 10 minutes before done. See how that works out for ya.

Mmmmmm..Now that's good eatin'!

The Unsalad, Salad

First, let me divulge, if I may, the fact that writing about cooking is usually my way to avoid actually having to do it. With that in mind, today I will share a family recipe that goes all the way back to my mom. At least that's as far back as I can remember. The Unsalad, Salad. Maybe you've heard of it called,  "Dare you find anything green in it, salad, and if you do, for Pete's sake, throw it out!!!"

Mom did not offer too terribly much of the color green in food on the supper table unless it was a Green Bean Casserole of which there exists more Southern varieties than Crayola Crayon's largest box that boasts 120. The most popular being about as homemade as the Ghiradelli box brownie mix recipe, featured earlier. E.g.: "Take two cans of green beans, add a can of Campbell's Condensed Mushroom Soup. Oh! and the secret bling ingredient? Top with French's French Fried Onions." From where?,  another can.

I've endured attempted variations of unsalad, salads (dare I call it, fruit?) at social potlucks of the old fashioned variety under the pseudonym, "Ambrosia.. something of-a-ruther." Although I've never once happened upon one in a natural food deli, or vegetarian gathering among friends. Which is one reason, among one other, I rarely make it here in California. But don't let this deter you. With the advent of the legalization of pot, exceptions will be made. That, and you never know when you'll need a good recipe for a potluck. None I've tried have come close to being as good as Mom's. Which begs the question, "Genetic or social conditioning?" ..but I digress.  Up to the day she died she had one waiting for me in the fridge when I got off the plane-- if I'd put in my request the day before.

The entire family LOVES it! However we have found that it's not as in-law friendly as we'd like. That said, after claiming it the most never-to-eat artificial and unnatural concoction  known to cuisine, one California in-law representative, Mr. G, had a change of heart and decided it was delicious. I can't offer better testament than this.

WARNING: For you au naturales (or wanna be's) of the chef persuasion, DO NOT under any circumstances substitute natural for artificial --canned or otherwise-- in any of the ingredients listed below. In this particular recipe, natural has very little to do with taste. You won't like it, then you'll blame me.

Frosted Fruit Salad
Stuff To Pull Out of the Cupboards After You Get Up Off The Couch and Walk Over to the Kitchen:

Jello Ingredients - 
- 2 small pkgs. jello (3 oz each) one lemon and one orange
- 2 cups hot water
- 1/4 cup concentrated orange juice (Frozen. That's right, don't even think to squeeze fresh and freeze it. Buy it frozen at the market, then measure it out.)
- canned crushed pineapple - 20 oz regular size can
- 3 bananas-sliced
- 1 and 1/2 cups of cold water
- one bag of miniature marshmallows

Topping Ingredients -
- 2 TBL plain white flour (Do not even think to use whole wheat!!)
- 1/2 cup sugar (Do not substitute with honey, agave, stevia, etc.)
- 2 eggs
- 1 cup of pineapple juice (drained from the can)
- 2 pkgs Dream Whip Topping Mix (This being the one other reason I don't make it where I live. Where do you shop to buy this? Good luck. Again, don't think to substitute real whipping cream, you will walk away highly dissatisfied, and not tasting the difference, think it's a so-so recipe.)
- finely chopped pecans, enough to cover the top of a 13 x 9 x 2 inch pyrex dish.

Assemble
Jello:
Mix hot water and powdered jellos until dissolved.
Then add 1 and 1/2 cups cold water.
Drain crushed pineapple and save the liquid.
Mix in the drained crushed pineapple, 1/4 cup frozen concentrated orange juice, and 3 whole bananas--sliced, in with the jello. Pour into a 13 x 9 x 2 inch pyrex dish. Top with a layer of mini marshmallows and refrigerate. Chill 2-3 hours.

Topping:
Whip up two packages of Dream Whip, non-dairy whipping cream. Follow directions on box. (Yes, this is a boxed whipping cream powder!!!) After whipped, set bowl in fridge to chill while you make the rest of the topping.

Over medium heat, mix 1/2 cup sugar, 2 TBL flour, and 2 eggs and cook until it's a thickened paste. Take off heat. Stir in 1 cup pineapple juice from the can of strained crushed pineapples. Cool completely (I put it in the freezer for a few minutes, but, careful if you do!) When cooled, slowly, with spatula, fold in cold whipped up Dream Whip from the fridge into the mixture. You do not want this mixture too thin, so you might not need to use it all. The amount will vary to house temperature and altitude. Spread this mixture over chilled jello. Sprinkle with finely chopped pecans.

Refrigerate a little piece more, about an hour, until the topping sets.

Bling: The bling here is in following the directions explicitly, and sprinkling finely chopped pecans on top.

Suggestions: If, after using all canned and boxed ingredients, this recipe still does not turn out right, channel my mom.

Mmmmm...Now that's good eatin'!